Top 10 Reasons I Hate My Life

10.) No job. Still. No prospects. No qualifications to get me a good job. When I do get a job- I can rest assured that it will be a mindless, low-paying job that will only make me hate my life more.

9.) No money. Not even enough money to keep gas in my car.

8.) I'm breaking out. Stress? Bad diet? Both? I don't know. But I have more zits on my face now than I have in a long time. Fun!

7.) No health insurance. Which means when I need a refill on my anti-depressants it will cost me about $250 (in other words, I won't be able to get them refilled). So I will be off my medication. So I have that to look forward to.

6.) I'm in therapy and I don't think I can afford to keep going.

5.) I turn 26 next month. That's almost 30. I have nothing to show for it. I always thought things would be so different by now.

4.) The last 5 years have gone by in a haze of depression, alcohol, and laziness.

3.) I owe money on my credit card, and can only afford to make the minimum payments, which means my balance will probably never be paid off.

2.) I know being negative like this is hurting, not helping.

1.) I can't think of anything to smile about....

Cougar Rant

Right this very second on E! Entertainment television, they are showing a program titled "25 Hottest Hollywood Cougar Tales." Now, for those of you unfamiliar with the term, here is the definition:

Cougar an attractive woman in her 30s or 40s who is on the hunt once again. She may be found in the usual hunting grounds: nightclubs, bars, beaches, etc. She will not play the usual B.S. games that women in their 20s play. Meaning: she will be going for the kill, just like you. Associated with MILFS.

Thanks, urbandictionary. What would we ever do without you??  

Ok, I would like to begin to put an end to this incredibly degrading word. Not only does it objectify women YET AGAIN as an animal (see fox, chick, etc), but it implies that these women are somehow "predators" on the hunt. Of course, an older woman couldn't possibly snag a younger man based on her personality or her mind, it has to be because of her sexual prowess!! Duh! Furthermore, this is ONE MORE way for the media/society to scare women into thinking that they are worthless as they age into their 30s and 40s unless they remain sexually attractive.

And then there are these women who are embracing the term. This is not ok. Why do we insist on setting ourselves back soooo far??? I'm all for being in control of your own sexuality, but that doesn't mean conforming to some lame adolescent fantasy that men (boys) have. We need to stop this. Be in control of who you are. Don't let the male-dominated media dictate your behavior. If you are an older woman and you wanna get with a younger man, then don't let anyone call you a cougar. You are a woman, goddamnit. Have some self-respect. Please.

That is all.

I did it. I started a blog.

Some of you may have been reading my blog that I have already been doing for a while with Megan. But I felt like I needed a blog of my own, too. Why now? Well, I have recently made a choice to at least try to take some control over my life. I know this will mean a lot of change and a lot of work, and the best way for me to process everything is to write it down. And in 2008 that basically means you have to start a blog. Becuase what is the point of writing down your inner-most thoughts if you aren't going to post them to the web for everyone to read??

My thoughts aren't always happy, or pretty, and they don't always make a whole lot of sense. But I'm gonna try to get them out of my head anyway. Maybe it will help, maybe it won't. Only time will tell.



Sometimes I worry that I've lost the plot
My twitching muscles tease my flippant thoughts
I never really dreamed of heaven much until we put him in the ground
But it's all I'm doing now
Listening for patterns in the sound of an endless static sea